Comedy Soup for the Booking Soul
I book my own gigs. People either call or email me to ask me to do shows. But I think etiquette and simple common sense gets lost on these people. I get one of 2 folks trying to book me
NUMBER ONE: This is someone who books alot of parties at clubs (He's usually Indian) and he'll go on and on about how his parties draw in so many people and he heard aboutme and heard I was "tight, off the hook dawg" and did I mention that I had 2000 people at my New Year's Party in 2004? And we wanna see if you're any good so can you come do my gig FOR FREE.
MY RESPONSE TO 'NUMBER ONE': First off, if you draw in so many people you're making money. You just don't respect me enough to pay me. Secondly, if I'm so "off the hook" then you can afford some cashola. Hey if you wanna approach me, don't think I'm impressed by the number of parties you throw a year and how many people showed up. Don't list credentials. I don't care. In fact I'll just write a joke about you and put it in my act. This is my job. This is what I do. Email deleted
NUMBER TWO: This is the person who raves on and on about how they heard about me or saw me at a show or saw me on TV and they'd really like me to do their event cus it's gonna bring in so many people. So I quote the price, then they go "Did I mention this was a charity event" { No you didn't } or they'll say "We're not gonna be able to pay you as much as you'd like, could you compromise for us? We really want you there"
MY RESPONSE TO 'NUMBER TWO': Again, if you're drawing in so many people then you're making money. You just want to be cheap with me. If you really want me there then you can pay me. If you want a free act, I'll send my uncle over there after he's drank two bottles of Johnny Walker Black and you'll end up getting what you pay for. Don't rave about me or try to kiss my ass only to not even wanna pay out the money to buy the tissue to wipe it. Again, you're just taking up valuable e-mail space.
So what have we learned people and prospective bookers? Just be honest with me. I'm always sincere/honest from the get go, so if you don't want to pay then tell me that up front. My feelings won't be hurt. I'll still keep chugging along like I always do. But if you do want to have me perform at your event or 'comedy night' then mean it. No amount of blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel good so I'll give a discount will ever help. Who likes a smoky ass?
And no, I don't accept competitor's coupons.
NUMBER ONE: This is someone who books alot of parties at clubs (He's usually Indian) and he'll go on and on about how his parties draw in so many people and he heard aboutme and heard I was "tight, off the hook dawg" and did I mention that I had 2000 people at my New Year's Party in 2004? And we wanna see if you're any good so can you come do my gig FOR FREE.
MY RESPONSE TO 'NUMBER ONE': First off, if you draw in so many people you're making money. You just don't respect me enough to pay me. Secondly, if I'm so "off the hook" then you can afford some cashola. Hey if you wanna approach me, don't think I'm impressed by the number of parties you throw a year and how many people showed up. Don't list credentials. I don't care. In fact I'll just write a joke about you and put it in my act. This is my job. This is what I do. Email deleted
NUMBER TWO: This is the person who raves on and on about how they heard about me or saw me at a show or saw me on TV and they'd really like me to do their event cus it's gonna bring in so many people. So I quote the price, then they go "Did I mention this was a charity event" { No you didn't } or they'll say "We're not gonna be able to pay you as much as you'd like, could you compromise for us? We really want you there"
MY RESPONSE TO 'NUMBER TWO': Again, if you're drawing in so many people then you're making money. You just want to be cheap with me. If you really want me there then you can pay me. If you want a free act, I'll send my uncle over there after he's drank two bottles of Johnny Walker Black and you'll end up getting what you pay for. Don't rave about me or try to kiss my ass only to not even wanna pay out the money to buy the tissue to wipe it. Again, you're just taking up valuable e-mail space.
So what have we learned people and prospective bookers? Just be honest with me. I'm always sincere/honest from the get go, so if you don't want to pay then tell me that up front. My feelings won't be hurt. I'll still keep chugging along like I always do. But if you do want to have me perform at your event or 'comedy night' then mean it. No amount of blowing smoke up my ass to make me feel good so I'll give a discount will ever help. Who likes a smoky ass?
And no, I don't accept competitor's coupons.
posted by Paul at 1:37 PM
2 Comments:
Comics just don't get any respect. I had this guy one time say they really wanted to do a comedy night for their church. He said, like you mentioned they would pack the place, but that they wouldn't be able to pay me. Here was the real clincher though. He wanted me to round up some other comics and then they would do a gong show thing. What a great deal for me, I get to put butts in seats for free and then I get thanked with a gong that says I suck. Would Jesus condone that kind of behavior?...I think not.
If I said that you guys were terrible, could I get you to coach me for free? Next time they say a shit price just say "Who the Hell do you think I am? Tom Botts?!"
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