Keep one eye open

The Boogeyman, Santa Claus, BedBugs, The Hamburglar

All things that go bump in the night

I blame it on insomnia. The longer you deprive yourself of sleep, the more you hallucinate. Start to imagine what's there and when what is not really is or what it is is not what it appears to be. It's that Confucius-like nightmare that'll make you believe a wooly monster in the closet or a jolly fat man with a bag of toys, little hungry mattress lice, or a chubby Mexican knockoff of Zorro who steals Big Macs

I see them all.

I should take sleeping pills. But I'm not a fan of anything in pill form. Breakfast cereal form? Oh yeah. But if you tell me happiness comes in caplets? I say, "Call me when General Mills figures out how to put it inside a purple horseshoe marshmallow"

Which is why I enjoy breakfast so much. I'm never awake to eat it. If you deprive yourself of something necessary.. all of a sudden it takes on a sort of dessert-like indulgence whenever you get it.

Whenver I go to IHOP or Denny's, I'm chowing down on the most important meal of the day. Something somewhat breakfasty. No need to see the "appetizers, soups and salads, or entree" part of your menu.

{ And by the way "entree"? Do you really need to add a French word to your menu Denny's? It doesn't add class to the joint. You wanna add some sophistication? Hire one cook who isn't on crystal meth }

And when you can't sleep, you begin to enjoy little things about the night. The random gunshot. The random screeching of brakes. Infomercials about portable rotisserie ovens.

Maybe all I need is a glass of warm milk. A bedtime story. A lullaby

My parents never sang me a lullaby. I'd watch television with my dad until I fell asleep. I'll be a horrible father. What lullaby could I possibly sing to my kids?

"In West Philadelphia, born and raised..on a playground is where I spent most of my days"