When Doves Cry
Saw Purple Rain last night. Never seen it. Did see The Last Dragon with Bruce Leeroy and The Shogun of Harlem. Never saw Purple Rain though until last night.
I miss Morris Day and the Time. What happened to suits and keytars and choreographed dance moves with the bass player?
I wish I played tambourine
Purple's such a strange color. Weird as a shirt, even weirder as pants. Because only 2 people wear purple pants: Pimps and the Incredible Hulk. Both are angry beings
I think I'd make a great pimp. I'd bring class back into the pimpgame. No more ear pulling or back handing. No fingersnaps or yelling out "ho" to assert my authority.
I'd be gentle, diplomatic, they wouldn't call me Sugar Sweet Fuzzy Fox for nothing. Long flowing coat with a tail so long I have kids carrying it behind me.
No watch - But a friendship bracelet
No cellphone - I communicate by letter. It may take awhile, but the recipient will appreciate the time and thought I invested in it.
No pimp fedora - A ski hat with ear muffs (rims on the earmuffs that spin as I stroll)
No alligator boots - Allnatural sandals to show off my pedicure. Each toenail with one part of my name: Sugar Sweet Fuzzy Fox..the pinky nail just says Playa
I wouldn't even have hos. I'd pimp cookies for the Boy Scouts. They need money too. It's not fair that the Girl Scouts are raising money to go to D.C. The Boy Scouts are stuck camping in the woods, freezing their ass off, eating Girl Scout cookies just to stay alive..
"Scoutmaster, could you pass me some Samoas?"
I wanted to join the Boy Scouts once. Gave my dad the application and he literally laughed out loud. It didn't make me insecure, I already was before that. Keep in mind this is the same guy who threw away a form that I gave him so I could play Little League. I never blamed him though. I could never be mad at him for thinking I didn't have athletic prowess. After all, he knew me better. He knew I had no hand-eye coordination. He knew I couldn't eat a bowl of Froot Loops without spilling a Loop or two onto my cordurouy pants.
"That loser can't even keep cereal on a spoon and he thinks he can hit a baseball?"
Thank you Papa Varghese. I just wished you saved me from embarassment in high school too.
"Now Katie, my son Paul may ask you to the Homecoming dance. Trust me, just say no. The boy still puts his shoes on the wrong foot every so often, you don't need to be dancing with Captain Clutz."
But whenever I have kids, I'm not gonna save them like my dad tried to save me. I'm getting revenge. In fact..I'm jaded, bitter and ready for payback. I'll coach a Little League team just for that reason alone.
"Alright, here's the lineup. Billy you're on 2nd. Caleb you're shortstop..and I'm pitching"
"But Coach Varghese, you can't pitch!"
"You know that's what my dad used to say about me. Now let's play ball. Either you let me pitch or no one, I repeat no one's going to Chuck E. Cheese afterwards! You hear me?"
I don't know why they were crying. I pitched a no-hitter. I even beaned the fat kid
I miss Morris Day and the Time. What happened to suits and keytars and choreographed dance moves with the bass player?
I wish I played tambourine
Purple's such a strange color. Weird as a shirt, even weirder as pants. Because only 2 people wear purple pants: Pimps and the Incredible Hulk. Both are angry beings
I think I'd make a great pimp. I'd bring class back into the pimpgame. No more ear pulling or back handing. No fingersnaps or yelling out "ho" to assert my authority.
I'd be gentle, diplomatic, they wouldn't call me Sugar Sweet Fuzzy Fox for nothing. Long flowing coat with a tail so long I have kids carrying it behind me.
No watch - But a friendship bracelet
No cellphone - I communicate by letter. It may take awhile, but the recipient will appreciate the time and thought I invested in it.
No pimp fedora - A ski hat with ear muffs (rims on the earmuffs that spin as I stroll)
No alligator boots - Allnatural sandals to show off my pedicure. Each toenail with one part of my name: Sugar Sweet Fuzzy Fox..the pinky nail just says Playa
I wouldn't even have hos. I'd pimp cookies for the Boy Scouts. They need money too. It's not fair that the Girl Scouts are raising money to go to D.C. The Boy Scouts are stuck camping in the woods, freezing their ass off, eating Girl Scout cookies just to stay alive..
"Scoutmaster, could you pass me some Samoas?"
I wanted to join the Boy Scouts once. Gave my dad the application and he literally laughed out loud. It didn't make me insecure, I already was before that. Keep in mind this is the same guy who threw away a form that I gave him so I could play Little League. I never blamed him though. I could never be mad at him for thinking I didn't have athletic prowess. After all, he knew me better. He knew I had no hand-eye coordination. He knew I couldn't eat a bowl of Froot Loops without spilling a Loop or two onto my cordurouy pants.
"That loser can't even keep cereal on a spoon and he thinks he can hit a baseball?"
Thank you Papa Varghese. I just wished you saved me from embarassment in high school too.
"Now Katie, my son Paul may ask you to the Homecoming dance. Trust me, just say no. The boy still puts his shoes on the wrong foot every so often, you don't need to be dancing with Captain Clutz."
But whenever I have kids, I'm not gonna save them like my dad tried to save me. I'm getting revenge. In fact..I'm jaded, bitter and ready for payback. I'll coach a Little League team just for that reason alone.
"Alright, here's the lineup. Billy you're on 2nd. Caleb you're shortstop..and I'm pitching"
"But Coach Varghese, you can't pitch!"
"You know that's what my dad used to say about me. Now let's play ball. Either you let me pitch or no one, I repeat no one's going to Chuck E. Cheese afterwards! You hear me?"
I don't know why they were crying. I pitched a no-hitter. I even beaned the fat kid
posted by Paul at 5:02 PM
3 Comments:
It's spelled 'Ho'. A 'Hoe' is a tool you use in a garden. 'Ho' is short for 'Whore'. 'Ho Ho' is short for the slutty snack from Hostess. 'Ho Ho Ho' is what a pimp with a red suit and reindeer says when he's delivering gifts to the massage parlors on Harry Hines.
I have just corrected it. Thank you Spell Check Pimp
Wouldn't it be cool if santa claus had tits and guys got to wait up for him while the rest of the family slept. Sorry, I thought it was a public forum.
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