Bitter Critters
Why are folks so jaded?
There's comedians in this city who are obsessed with constantly bad-mouthing others. I'll admit that I've done it a few times, but it doesn't affect my psyche or personality or professionalism.
But I'm sure it's like that in every job. Some guy on the assembly line for Wheat Thins is getting ridiculed by some guy in the packaging department.
I refuse to be the old man on the porch, shooing and bah-humbugging little kids off my front lawn, polishing my sawed-off shotgun. I don't want to be the guy watching TV going "that was supposed to be me!" I want to be the guy on that TV.
On the other hand, I don't want hugs and cuddly wuddlies 24-7. A little sarcastic comment here and there definitely spices up the mood. But if you're bitching now, how's it gonna be when you're in Hell and now you've really got something to bitch about?
Maybe practice makes perfect
I saw a commercial for Oral-B Brush Strips. Brushing on the go. A finger glove you put on. You swipe across your teeth. That's how I brushed my teeth when I was 3. Who knew you could make money off that.
"And before you head out on that first date..make sure you prepare with new Circle-Circle-Dot-Dot-Cootie Shots from Biore!"
I was thinking about joining the Army. Not because I want to fight. I'd just like to get on The Price is Right. And how come the Army and Navy have football teams? Especially in war times, we could use the quarterback to go to Baghdad and hurl some grenades. Because how could you compare your struggles with troops who just came back from Iraq?
"Bro, while you were gone, I scored 4 touchdowns against Notre Dame!"
"That's great. My base was bombarded with mortar shells. I had to dodge flying shrapnel. And you have the nerve to wear a helmet?"
The only trophy I ever got was for memorizing the most bible verses in kindergarten. It was the typical trophy statue with the muscular shirtless guy with wings. What does that have to do with bible verse memorization? Just give me a trophy that shows me staring out my bedroom window on a Saturday afternoon, watching other kids play. That's what I remember.
I was flipping through the Yellow Pages and saw an ad for a place called Castle Dental. Because when I think teeth and oral hygiene, I think England.
Smile and spread good cheer, people.
There's comedians in this city who are obsessed with constantly bad-mouthing others. I'll admit that I've done it a few times, but it doesn't affect my psyche or personality or professionalism.
But I'm sure it's like that in every job. Some guy on the assembly line for Wheat Thins is getting ridiculed by some guy in the packaging department.
I refuse to be the old man on the porch, shooing and bah-humbugging little kids off my front lawn, polishing my sawed-off shotgun. I don't want to be the guy watching TV going "that was supposed to be me!" I want to be the guy on that TV.
On the other hand, I don't want hugs and cuddly wuddlies 24-7. A little sarcastic comment here and there definitely spices up the mood. But if you're bitching now, how's it gonna be when you're in Hell and now you've really got something to bitch about?
Maybe practice makes perfect
I saw a commercial for Oral-B Brush Strips. Brushing on the go. A finger glove you put on. You swipe across your teeth. That's how I brushed my teeth when I was 3. Who knew you could make money off that.
"And before you head out on that first date..make sure you prepare with new Circle-Circle-Dot-Dot-Cootie Shots from Biore!"
I was thinking about joining the Army. Not because I want to fight. I'd just like to get on The Price is Right. And how come the Army and Navy have football teams? Especially in war times, we could use the quarterback to go to Baghdad and hurl some grenades. Because how could you compare your struggles with troops who just came back from Iraq?
"Bro, while you were gone, I scored 4 touchdowns against Notre Dame!"
"That's great. My base was bombarded with mortar shells. I had to dodge flying shrapnel. And you have the nerve to wear a helmet?"
The only trophy I ever got was for memorizing the most bible verses in kindergarten. It was the typical trophy statue with the muscular shirtless guy with wings. What does that have to do with bible verse memorization? Just give me a trophy that shows me staring out my bedroom window on a Saturday afternoon, watching other kids play. That's what I remember.
I was flipping through the Yellow Pages and saw an ad for a place called Castle Dental. Because when I think teeth and oral hygiene, I think England.
Smile and spread good cheer, people.
posted by Paul at 9:33 AM
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