Gather 'Round
Someone told me a story of irony that I thought I should elaborate on. Come on, it's a fun little game and it starts .. right .. now
She saw a truck hauling a load full of tires. Then, lo and behold, the truck got a flat.
"How convenient" , she thought.
To which I responded,
"It could've only gotten more convenient had the truck swerved off the road and into a hospital."
" .. And then maybe the bricks of the hospital collapsed onto the engine, breaking it so as not to overheat. As the nurses pull the driver out of his car, his driver's license and medical insurance card have fallen out of his wallet. The driver's so panicked by the accident that he goes into a state of shock, and, therefore, doesn't need anesthesia to pass out. Also the fact that he's passed out prevents him from remembering that he's gonna get fired and laughed at when he gets back to work
Back at the tire-hauling factory, Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring, they just took out insurance on that truck, after years of scraping by the law. They were also looking to fire the driver, Bocephus, and this just gives them every reason. Not for being careless, but the guy who drove the truck before had left a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in the glove compartment and you can always pin the accident on that
Meanwhile outside the hospital, the tires have fallen off the truck, and a few select ones rolled themselves onto a nearby playground, where sandbox activities have now become cumbersome. No swings because someone tore them .. until one kid sees the tires and improvises. Another kid stacks the tires and jumps in, peeking his head out.
"I'm the Michelin Man", he proclaims.
One girl, Sue Shooby Doo, loves a man with a sense of humor, but doesn't know it just yet, because she's only 6. Twelve years from now when the "Michelin Man" asks her to prom, Sue Shooby Doo accepts. Cupid has shot his bow and arrow of love into their collective asses. Babies are made
Flash back just a few days prior and peek into Bocephus the bad truck driver's home, and you see his disgruntled wife, Glendalyn. She's told him time and time again that he needs to get corrective lenses and quit squinting at the damn tv.
"You can't tell which one's Bob Barker and which one's Larry the Cable Guy!", she hollered from the kitchen.
At that time he muttered under his breath, "That lady's turning into her mother", not aware that she was correct in her assessment.
He sporks away at his Swanson tv dinner and wishes he was "anywhere but here". That horrible Natalie Portman movie comes on TNT. He chokes on a brownie bone
Flash forward 5 months later. Glendalyn walks into a courtroom to testify in the case of "Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring versus Bocephus Twitty" On the witness stand, she re-iterates the numerous incompetent things Bocephus had done in their last 8 months of marriage, from using the babys' diaper money to add a chimney onto their trailer to bringing home extra tires, from work, to burn so he could get high off the rubber fumes. Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring's boss testifies as well and their common thread of hatred towards Bocephus brings them together. They meet up for Burger King after the trial. Cupid bucks off some shots into their butt cheeks. More babies are born"
This entire conversational rant lasted two rounds of drinks
So I guess what I'm trying to say folks is .. Check your car before you ever take it driving. Because when you don't, stories like this become a reality. Thank you very much. I'm so glad I just wasted your time.
She saw a truck hauling a load full of tires. Then, lo and behold, the truck got a flat.
"How convenient" , she thought.
To which I responded,
"It could've only gotten more convenient had the truck swerved off the road and into a hospital."
" .. And then maybe the bricks of the hospital collapsed onto the engine, breaking it so as not to overheat. As the nurses pull the driver out of his car, his driver's license and medical insurance card have fallen out of his wallet. The driver's so panicked by the accident that he goes into a state of shock, and, therefore, doesn't need anesthesia to pass out. Also the fact that he's passed out prevents him from remembering that he's gonna get fired and laughed at when he gets back to work
Back at the tire-hauling factory, Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring, they just took out insurance on that truck, after years of scraping by the law. They were also looking to fire the driver, Bocephus, and this just gives them every reason. Not for being careless, but the guy who drove the truck before had left a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels in the glove compartment and you can always pin the accident on that
Meanwhile outside the hospital, the tires have fallen off the truck, and a few select ones rolled themselves onto a nearby playground, where sandbox activities have now become cumbersome. No swings because someone tore them .. until one kid sees the tires and improvises. Another kid stacks the tires and jumps in, peeking his head out.
"I'm the Michelin Man", he proclaims.
One girl, Sue Shooby Doo, loves a man with a sense of humor, but doesn't know it just yet, because she's only 6. Twelve years from now when the "Michelin Man" asks her to prom, Sue Shooby Doo accepts. Cupid has shot his bow and arrow of love into their collective asses. Babies are made
Flash back just a few days prior and peek into Bocephus the bad truck driver's home, and you see his disgruntled wife, Glendalyn. She's told him time and time again that he needs to get corrective lenses and quit squinting at the damn tv.
"You can't tell which one's Bob Barker and which one's Larry the Cable Guy!", she hollered from the kitchen.
At that time he muttered under his breath, "That lady's turning into her mother", not aware that she was correct in her assessment.
He sporks away at his Swanson tv dinner and wishes he was "anywhere but here". That horrible Natalie Portman movie comes on TNT. He chokes on a brownie bone
Flash forward 5 months later. Glendalyn walks into a courtroom to testify in the case of "Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring versus Bocephus Twitty" On the witness stand, she re-iterates the numerous incompetent things Bocephus had done in their last 8 months of marriage, from using the babys' diaper money to add a chimney onto their trailer to bringing home extra tires, from work, to burn so he could get high off the rubber fumes. Ring-A-Ding-Bring-Bring's boss testifies as well and their common thread of hatred towards Bocephus brings them together. They meet up for Burger King after the trial. Cupid bucks off some shots into their butt cheeks. More babies are born"
This entire conversational rant lasted two rounds of drinks
So I guess what I'm trying to say folks is .. Check your car before you ever take it driving. Because when you don't, stories like this become a reality. Thank you very much. I'm so glad I just wasted your time.
posted by Paul at 9:33 PM
8 Comments:
i would have considered this a waste of time had you not alluded to the infamous spork. kfc.....they changed the world.
Are we ever going to hear an aristocrats joke from you paul?
I'm the film-geek you met in DC who works as an editor for Roshan.
Oh...and uh..if you have time to read lengthy posts on cinema and my dreams of world domination through an invisibility watch, check out my blog.
It would be ironic had the michelin man been in the hospital for a check up.
Enjoying the clips and writing.
Hmmm. My whole BLOG has been a story similar to this and nobody has read it. When are you gonna test out new stuff at the BD Comedy club so I can name drop again? I really need some action and the chicks are getting tired of the two months ago story. Damn.
I don't wanna die out here all alone! AAAARRGH!
^^^
We all die alone, it's just a matter of how many people we can take with us when the cops come a knocking at your door.
Thanks Paul! Notice how I just gave ya the ol heterosexual nod. I'm not here to bug ya. Just keep showing up. Maybe you could land a spot on Mad TV. Ka Ching! Name drop cental!
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