Home is Where the Blog is
So I finally am situated for the next few days or so to pool some thoughts together. I didn't realize how long it's been since I last blogged. Last month to be exact and that was a complete mind bender. So to recap where I've been the last 2 weeks let's go to the map, shall we?
Dallas to Miami to the Bahamas back to Miami to Dallas to Chicago to L.A to back home
My suitcase even had the stickers with the names of each destination on it just like you see in cartoons, not for souvenir purposes, but because the airlines lost my baggage. They were always one city behind.
Miami to the Bahamas was a cruiseship. First time ever on a cruise and I didn't realize how trashy cruise patrons can be. How come the people that shouldn't be in swimsuits always just wanna be? It's not called a two-piece because that's your favorite dinner at KFC. Just like guys, it's not called swim "trunks" because your body resembles that of an elephant.
Look, I'm not a ripped guy by any means. I'm lean cut. Grade A. I'm aware of my flaws. Many are not. Granted, maybe I'm bitter because these cretins were taking up valuable poolspace and I was afraid of diving in and getting stuck. It was like a house party in the hot tub (By the way if you saw the people sitting in the "hot tub", you'd realize that there was nothing "hot" about that tub). Because I was expecting a Jay-Z video, when instead I got Richard Simmons
No clocks. No shuffleboard. No Julie the Cruise Director. Lots of sun. Lots of flesh. Gobs and gobs of it. Even lost my cellphone signal for 3 days while we were out there. Freaked me out because it's like being dead. No one knows where you are, you have no contact with them. Creepy. Especially if people knew that where I was was more similar to Hell than Heaven
Despite the visuals, the cruise was great. The people were so nice. The shows I performed at were incredible. The most diverse group I've ever performed to with ages ranging from 5 to 75, and one-fourth of them not even speaking English. A little kid heckled me throughout the first show but I had security escort him out. They put him in a sleeperhold then threw him overboard. Don't worry though, I put a luggage tag around his wrist so when the island natives find him washed ashore they know where to send him back
Illinois was this past weekend and was my very first ever headlining gig in a theater. We went to a local bar the night before and that marked my very first time singing karaoke (in Skokie) and because of the response I got from the drunken crowd, I've now decided that when I'm in a situation where karaoke breaks out it's time for me to make my mark. The song I sang? You guessed it
Special thanks out to Yav, Sireen and his whole family for showing us the greatest time out there. I wish all promoters treated us the way you did. It meant so much. If you want to know how to treat performers, email those guys and ask how it's done.
L.A was how L.A always is. No parking and expensive. I love the crowds there. We flew in on Saturday morning at 11 a.m, had no sleep, had come straight from a bar in Illinois to the airport and walked around the festival in L.A on Saturday, smelling like Friday. Stankonia. No sleep and no soap make Paul a bad bitter boy. I finally de-funked an hour before the show and then all was right with the world. That night the vodka poured like raindrops in Brazil, it was really poetic..and intoxicating..and queasy
I'm back for a little spat and then a corporate gig and then Houston on Wednesday, July 20th at the Improv. So if you're around Houston, come support. If not, tell folks who live down there. I need love. We need love. That's really what the world's missing..
Well that and pre-made Tang in a jug
Dallas to Miami to the Bahamas back to Miami to Dallas to Chicago to L.A to back home
My suitcase even had the stickers with the names of each destination on it just like you see in cartoons, not for souvenir purposes, but because the airlines lost my baggage. They were always one city behind.
Miami to the Bahamas was a cruiseship. First time ever on a cruise and I didn't realize how trashy cruise patrons can be. How come the people that shouldn't be in swimsuits always just wanna be? It's not called a two-piece because that's your favorite dinner at KFC. Just like guys, it's not called swim "trunks" because your body resembles that of an elephant.
Look, I'm not a ripped guy by any means. I'm lean cut. Grade A. I'm aware of my flaws. Many are not. Granted, maybe I'm bitter because these cretins were taking up valuable poolspace and I was afraid of diving in and getting stuck. It was like a house party in the hot tub (By the way if you saw the people sitting in the "hot tub", you'd realize that there was nothing "hot" about that tub). Because I was expecting a Jay-Z video, when instead I got Richard Simmons
No clocks. No shuffleboard. No Julie the Cruise Director. Lots of sun. Lots of flesh. Gobs and gobs of it. Even lost my cellphone signal for 3 days while we were out there. Freaked me out because it's like being dead. No one knows where you are, you have no contact with them. Creepy. Especially if people knew that where I was was more similar to Hell than Heaven
Despite the visuals, the cruise was great. The people were so nice. The shows I performed at were incredible. The most diverse group I've ever performed to with ages ranging from 5 to 75, and one-fourth of them not even speaking English. A little kid heckled me throughout the first show but I had security escort him out. They put him in a sleeperhold then threw him overboard. Don't worry though, I put a luggage tag around his wrist so when the island natives find him washed ashore they know where to send him back
Illinois was this past weekend and was my very first ever headlining gig in a theater. We went to a local bar the night before and that marked my very first time singing karaoke (in Skokie) and because of the response I got from the drunken crowd, I've now decided that when I'm in a situation where karaoke breaks out it's time for me to make my mark. The song I sang? You guessed it
Special thanks out to Yav, Sireen and his whole family for showing us the greatest time out there. I wish all promoters treated us the way you did. It meant so much. If you want to know how to treat performers, email those guys and ask how it's done.
L.A was how L.A always is. No parking and expensive. I love the crowds there. We flew in on Saturday morning at 11 a.m, had no sleep, had come straight from a bar in Illinois to the airport and walked around the festival in L.A on Saturday, smelling like Friday. Stankonia. No sleep and no soap make Paul a bad bitter boy. I finally de-funked an hour before the show and then all was right with the world. That night the vodka poured like raindrops in Brazil, it was really poetic..and intoxicating..and queasy
I'm back for a little spat and then a corporate gig and then Houston on Wednesday, July 20th at the Improv. So if you're around Houston, come support. If not, tell folks who live down there. I need love. We need love. That's really what the world's missing..
Well that and pre-made Tang in a jug
posted by Paul at 6:57 PM
9 Comments:
Yeah, I've been needing some tang. Where do they sell it in a jug?
That is so cool, Paul, congratulations. I'm glad things are happening for you, you totally deserve it.
I wish I could come to Houston, but after my 4th of July trip there, I think I'm bar-banned. What a night.
I will spread the word to all my Houston friends. Just nod and smile politely when they ask if you know me.
What's with all the puns? You gettin' soft? I need to take you out for potato latkes, blintzes, and knishes. That'll set you straight. Or maybe you just need some Thai Soon.
My creativity is no more. I think my sense of humor has peaked. I need a trusty sidekick or ,better yet, Silly String.
My laugh is better than your laugh, ilovepaulvarghese! I challenge you to a laughing duel! ;P
I was kicked in the side once.
He loves it. But I'm not much of a fighter really. I give up easily. :)
I think it's the same two girls.
Mclaugh 2
TomBotts 0
Tom, thanks for playing but you won't be going home empty-handed. Vanna has some lovely parting gifts which includes Zoloft and the Blogalisa Home Game
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