Sappy Paul is No More
The more I read that last post about my parents' anniversary, the more my blood sugar rises. I've gone soft. I'm doughy. Chock full of nougat and kittens
BANG! BANG!
Good.. There. That won't happen again.
Have you ever stared into the barrel of a shotgun and second-guessed your decision to run naked through a Ku Klux Klan meeting?
Some blame it on their racist views, I think it's just cus it was Monday. Those are never fun for any organization, regardless of location or racial bias
I've become addicted to Cookies 'N' Cream. Why the "N" instead of "And"? That's the only time that that country ass abbreviation is ever used. Did a farmer concoct it?
"I made a new dessert by combining cookies 'N' cream! Quick Merle, go tell your brother 'N' sister!"
The best example of product denial is the fact that all ice cream companies refuse to acknowledge the type of cookie in Cookies 'N' Cream. We all know. Everyone's eating it, knowing what they're eating. Just quit being so stubborn and embrace the cookie that's in the cream. Oreo and/or Hydrox would be so happy.
I'm glad we get the brilliance that is Oreos 'N' Cream (Call it this from now on people. The revolution begins today) I'd hate to be the taste test guinea pig when they were still in deliberations on which cookie to dunk in cream.
Gingerbread? Sugar? Those pink ones with the dots on them? Those nasty butter cookies my mom always bought and ended up using the empty tin can to store her Indian cookies? (By the way, there's no such thing as an Indian cookie. They either call them sugar biscuits, or they make them so brittle and crunchy, they'll cut your gums upon entry)
Indians make chips out of fruit. Jackfruit chips, banana chips. I love the United States, we make chips out of potatoes and fat. In fact if that isn't disgusting enough, we're still trying to invent new flavors to further tempt you. Salt and vinegar is a flavor. That's what the Romans put on a stick and fed to Jesus while he was on the cross. I'm guessing he ain't picking up that bag of Lay's anytime soon. He strikes me as a sour cream and onion kind of savior.
Doritos has 9 different flavors. Why? No other chip company has successfully copied their nacho cheese recipe. I would've shut down the product development department of Doritos 20 years ago and lived off that one recipe alone. I'd use the money saved to advertise on bags of weed all across the country. Coupons on nickelbags equals me on the Forbes Top 100 list.
I'm a hustla baby.
BANG! BANG!
Good.. There. That won't happen again.
Have you ever stared into the barrel of a shotgun and second-guessed your decision to run naked through a Ku Klux Klan meeting?
Some blame it on their racist views, I think it's just cus it was Monday. Those are never fun for any organization, regardless of location or racial bias
I've become addicted to Cookies 'N' Cream. Why the "N" instead of "And"? That's the only time that that country ass abbreviation is ever used. Did a farmer concoct it?
"I made a new dessert by combining cookies 'N' cream! Quick Merle, go tell your brother 'N' sister!"
The best example of product denial is the fact that all ice cream companies refuse to acknowledge the type of cookie in Cookies 'N' Cream. We all know. Everyone's eating it, knowing what they're eating. Just quit being so stubborn and embrace the cookie that's in the cream. Oreo and/or Hydrox would be so happy.
I'm glad we get the brilliance that is Oreos 'N' Cream (Call it this from now on people. The revolution begins today) I'd hate to be the taste test guinea pig when they were still in deliberations on which cookie to dunk in cream.
Gingerbread? Sugar? Those pink ones with the dots on them? Those nasty butter cookies my mom always bought and ended up using the empty tin can to store her Indian cookies? (By the way, there's no such thing as an Indian cookie. They either call them sugar biscuits, or they make them so brittle and crunchy, they'll cut your gums upon entry)
Indians make chips out of fruit. Jackfruit chips, banana chips. I love the United States, we make chips out of potatoes and fat. In fact if that isn't disgusting enough, we're still trying to invent new flavors to further tempt you. Salt and vinegar is a flavor. That's what the Romans put on a stick and fed to Jesus while he was on the cross. I'm guessing he ain't picking up that bag of Lay's anytime soon. He strikes me as a sour cream and onion kind of savior.
Doritos has 9 different flavors. Why? No other chip company has successfully copied their nacho cheese recipe. I would've shut down the product development department of Doritos 20 years ago and lived off that one recipe alone. I'd use the money saved to advertise on bags of weed all across the country. Coupons on nickelbags equals me on the Forbes Top 100 list.
I'm a hustla baby.
posted by Paul at 8:12 AM
5 Comments:
Thanks for the laugh. Dr. Pepper went flying out to my screen, now it's dripping! Keep it up!
good to have you back, buddy.
Hell-arious. I want to post a link to your webpage, but you're in Texas. Isn't that the home of executions-N-shit? Scary.
Next bit, please. Your public is waiting.
If I owned Doritos I would have still developed more flavors. Original N Extra Crispy.
Just in case: I own Doritos, just not the company. I have about half a bag. Of Doritos. Not anything else. Well, food but not pot or anything like that.
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