When We Last Left Paul..
It was August. My cellphone billing cycle had just been replenished. I had come back from D.C. I was rambling about redneck love and was headed to my high school reunion
Flash forward to Labor Day
It's September. I'm waiting for my cellphone billing cycle to replenish. I'm headed to Austin this week. I've personally witnessed redneck love in the form of Exhibit A mugging down at a Denny's over the Moons Over My Hammy platter and the reunion was non-eventful.
The next three weeks look to be somewhat eventful for me. I'm entertaining the orangey folks of UT Austin this week, then off to L.A for an NBC showcase of some sorts then to Laredo, Texas to share some border love to the borderistas over there then off to Vancouver to be in a comedy festival up there. Slightly hectic but travel makes the world go round .. I think
So it turned out at the reunion that I ended up not talking to people I didn't talk to anyway in high school. The people I did talk to came up to me. And even ten years later, dirty looks still exist. So my advice to anyone out there who doesn't want to go to their high school reunion? Go. You couldn't be any lamer than me in high school and the reunion experience wasn't as disgusting or down-trodden as I enivisioned it to be. In fact just to get revenge, I walked by all the guys who were jocks in high school and knocked their beers out of their hands.
It's Labor Day and nobody's working. What? Today's the day where the homeless feel like part of the crowd. Where all the struggling musicians, who mooch off their Hooters' waitress girlfriends, wonder why the mail didn't come in today. Where comedians like me use the lack of working bank employees as an opportunity to blog and try to come up with jokes about Labor Day.
Labor Night would be even more interesting. Just one night out of the year where nobody would have to worry about getting mugged or shot. Criminals are forced to take a night off, it's a federal thing baby! T'would suck for bars though. It'd force families to have to make their own dinner. It'd force my friends and I to bond over Yahtzee and chocolate milk.. I hate Labor Night
I have a lamp that won't turn off. I keep pulling its chain - nothing. Like it refuses to clock out. It's gonna show me that I made the right decision in buying him and not end up like the rest of them that end up in my aunt's garage. He's trying to earn a spot in my heart when he's really just being annoying. It's like someone coming to mow your lawn and they keep mowing. Grass has been mowed. Mowing has been established. He keeps mowing, thinking his mowing will make you love him all the more. No. You've done your job. Go home. I'll write you a hot check later.
Mr. Lamp. Know your role. It's 2 p.m. Your work is done here. Clap off
Flash forward to Labor Day
It's September. I'm waiting for my cellphone billing cycle to replenish. I'm headed to Austin this week. I've personally witnessed redneck love in the form of Exhibit A mugging down at a Denny's over the Moons Over My Hammy platter and the reunion was non-eventful.
The next three weeks look to be somewhat eventful for me. I'm entertaining the orangey folks of UT Austin this week, then off to L.A for an NBC showcase of some sorts then to Laredo, Texas to share some border love to the borderistas over there then off to Vancouver to be in a comedy festival up there. Slightly hectic but travel makes the world go round .. I think
So it turned out at the reunion that I ended up not talking to people I didn't talk to anyway in high school. The people I did talk to came up to me. And even ten years later, dirty looks still exist. So my advice to anyone out there who doesn't want to go to their high school reunion? Go. You couldn't be any lamer than me in high school and the reunion experience wasn't as disgusting or down-trodden as I enivisioned it to be. In fact just to get revenge, I walked by all the guys who were jocks in high school and knocked their beers out of their hands.
It's Labor Day and nobody's working. What? Today's the day where the homeless feel like part of the crowd. Where all the struggling musicians, who mooch off their Hooters' waitress girlfriends, wonder why the mail didn't come in today. Where comedians like me use the lack of working bank employees as an opportunity to blog and try to come up with jokes about Labor Day.
Labor Night would be even more interesting. Just one night out of the year where nobody would have to worry about getting mugged or shot. Criminals are forced to take a night off, it's a federal thing baby! T'would suck for bars though. It'd force families to have to make their own dinner. It'd force my friends and I to bond over Yahtzee and chocolate milk.. I hate Labor Night
I have a lamp that won't turn off. I keep pulling its chain - nothing. Like it refuses to clock out. It's gonna show me that I made the right decision in buying him and not end up like the rest of them that end up in my aunt's garage. He's trying to earn a spot in my heart when he's really just being annoying. It's like someone coming to mow your lawn and they keep mowing. Grass has been mowed. Mowing has been established. He keeps mowing, thinking his mowing will make you love him all the more. No. You've done your job. Go home. I'll write you a hot check later.
Mr. Lamp. Know your role. It's 2 p.m. Your work is done here. Clap off
posted by Paul at 11:17 AM
8 Comments:
That's a lot of travel. I graduated with Brian Bozwerth of the Seattle Seahawks that is in The new version of The Longest Yard. (I hate that) My reunion was good because I am not fat and bald... Yet. I'm still a second rate comic hack that couldn't make it in Music. All my classmates are rich. but they are fat and bald. Life is good. I just wanna doink hot chicks. That's all I have. Doofleboy has spoken.
Downtrodden isn't hyphenated. Also, a reunion wouldn't be downtrodden, a person would.
Steve, blogs are meant to be updated.
You misunderstand my intentions. I criticize you guys because I care about you. Your feeling bad at my criticism is just a by-product. The true net result is that you're wiser, smarter, and happier, then before I spoke. I'm trying to help. It's called tough love.
BTW, I should be recognized for my restraint in not picking on Waylon's spelling.
The Bozwerth thing isn't getting me much face time with Hooters girls anymore. I'm gonna try telling them I know a guy that talked to Cloris Leachman. So far just remotely crossing paths with Paul Varghese is all I got. Sorry guys it's tough out here and I need attention. Dammit!
Hey Ocean, it's tomorrow (Tuesday) night at the Hollywood Improv. You can find out more info by going to www.improvclubs.com. I'm only doing a 5 minute set so who knows if it'll even be worth it. If you do come out though, come up and say hi and make sure to wear your giggle galoshes.
Missing you at crappy open mic, Paul.
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