Drinking Revelations: Chapter 13, Verse 21

I think I might have found heaven in a bottle. No no, Cocoa Pebbles did not come out with a milkshake. It's Delerium Tremens: The World's Most Delicious Beer.

Zero percent aftertaste. One hundred percent intoxicital perfection (It's so good, I'm making up words)

I knocked back 5 bottles, wonderful buzz, slept beautifully and woke up with no hangover. Compare that to Bud Light...

- Slight buzz and bloated
- Sleep at a reasonable time
- Wake up without a hangover and regret a wasted night. $20 and nothing to show for it

Compare that to 5 shots of Jager

- Drunk and mumbling
- Pass out with pants half off
- Never wake up.

And to name a beer "Delerium Tremens" (a withdrawal symptom that alcoholics experience) is damn cocky. That shows they know the power of the beer is in its taste, not its name. They could call it Dry Heave in a Whataburger Parking Lot and I'd still buy it.

My friend got mad at me because I put pepper spray in his asthma inhaler. It was either that or poke 3 holes in it so he could play Hot Cross Buns whenever he was using it. And he always seems to have an asthma attack whenever I kick him in the stomach. I think he's allergic to the leather in my shoes.

My hair is starting to reach levels of mulletness not seen on an Indian man since my dad immigrated here in June of 1970. Now I'm embracing it. After all I can't be labeled white trash. It's technically impossible. Although a few years ago, I did yell at an ex-girlfriend on her porch, while she was inside the house. And ever since then, I've never judged anyone on an episode of COPS. I see a man running around in one shoe and a Journey t-shirt, yelling at his wife in the McDonald's drive-thru and she's not even with him, but she's on the other end of the speaker system because she's working, I always go..

"We're not hearing the whole story. She probably had it coming."

Speaking of 80s music, I like Journey. Hall and Oates too. Simple Minds. If Phill Collins made a pillow case with the lyrics to Billy Don't You Lose My Number written on it? I'd drool on that bad boy every night. Which made me come to this realization..

I'm not gay.
But my CD collection is

Su-Su-Sudio.