Straight Laced
I need a vice. An addiction. In order for me to be considered truly famous, I need a bad habit. Procrastination, or not washing dishes that I just finished eating off of, is not enough to get me on E!'s True Hollywood Story. I just feel that the experimental stage of my life is gone. I didn't even experiment alot when I was younger. To explain to you how goody-two sandals I was, I never even cheated on a test. That might explain why I never got a scholarship anywhere, and why I tell jokes for a living, but I never even had the inkling to do such. I was so dumb in college that I actually got accused of cheating because the professor said I had the RIGHT answer but then crossed it out and put the WRONG one. Who cheats like that? In reverse? Did he think I was a cheater with a conscience? Like after I stole the right answer, I had a moment of clarity and thought..
"No. That's not the right thing to do. I'll go with my initial answer that I know is wrong. The main export of Mexico is Mexicans."
The closest behavioral trait I have to being destructive is drinking. And I don't even do that well. I'm not professional. I'm more entry-level when it comes to boozing. Two shots and I'm done. Head's spinning. Legs quivering. I'm like a newborn llama. I'm even chewing grass
I do think that if you have an addiction like smoking/drinking that you should just own up to it. Quit justifying it.
"I only smoke when I drink." -- "How often do you drink?"
"I'm an alcoholic."
"I'm a social smoker. Meaning, I don't like to keep the second-hand smoke to myself. I like to share it with others."
Smokers just smoke away. I don't care. But own up to the habit. All the way up until the age of 11, my dad smoked one cigarette every day, after dinner, in the bathroom. Keep in mind, our bathroom was small. It was basically a Port-A-Potty with a tub. If you flushed the toilet, the shower turned on. And every night, my dad would come out of there, followed by a cloud of smoke, as if my sister and I didn't know what it was, and I would ask him
"Where'd all that smoke come from?" -- "Umm..I was barbecuing."
"What were you cooking? Cancer?"
That's why I love white trash. They know they have a bad habit and they could care less. They'll let their son smoke crystal meth, at the kiddie table,during Thanksgiving. Birthday time? They'll use their Marlboro Red to light the candles on the cake
"Kids make sure to eat around the ashes"
And their bad habits don't even have to involve drugs of any kind. They'll proudly flash their laziness, as well, by driving their trailer to the Taco Bell Drive Thru
"I'll take 2 chalupas and a Pepsi. Hey kids, roll down your bedroom window and tell the man what you want!"
"No. That's not the right thing to do. I'll go with my initial answer that I know is wrong. The main export of Mexico is Mexicans."
The closest behavioral trait I have to being destructive is drinking. And I don't even do that well. I'm not professional. I'm more entry-level when it comes to boozing. Two shots and I'm done. Head's spinning. Legs quivering. I'm like a newborn llama. I'm even chewing grass
I do think that if you have an addiction like smoking/drinking that you should just own up to it. Quit justifying it.
"I only smoke when I drink." -- "How often do you drink?"
"I'm an alcoholic."
"I'm a social smoker. Meaning, I don't like to keep the second-hand smoke to myself. I like to share it with others."
Smokers just smoke away. I don't care. But own up to the habit. All the way up until the age of 11, my dad smoked one cigarette every day, after dinner, in the bathroom. Keep in mind, our bathroom was small. It was basically a Port-A-Potty with a tub. If you flushed the toilet, the shower turned on. And every night, my dad would come out of there, followed by a cloud of smoke, as if my sister and I didn't know what it was, and I would ask him
"Where'd all that smoke come from?" -- "Umm..I was barbecuing."
"What were you cooking? Cancer?"
That's why I love white trash. They know they have a bad habit and they could care less. They'll let their son smoke crystal meth, at the kiddie table,during Thanksgiving. Birthday time? They'll use their Marlboro Red to light the candles on the cake
"Kids make sure to eat around the ashes"
And their bad habits don't even have to involve drugs of any kind. They'll proudly flash their laziness, as well, by driving their trailer to the Taco Bell Drive Thru
"I'll take 2 chalupas and a Pepsi. Hey kids, roll down your bedroom window and tell the man what you want!"
posted by Paul at 5:10 PM
8 Comments:
My Cousin gets mad because I mash the cigarettes in her overalls when we make out. Maybe instead of a bad habit you could be a germophobe or have some wierd quirk like being deathly afraid of escalators that go down.
My cousin gets jealous when I kiss my other cousins. I'm planning on buying a car so I can drive to another town and sleep with someone else's cousin.
I'm still here. yes it's a sad existence. Let this be a lesson to you about having kids.
I love this place!
Silly
Still here.
yup...
Still Here!
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