They Got It All Wrong

So I saw a bunch of hardcore fundamentalist Christians protesting homosexuality today. They were pretty passionate about it. Signs were made (with pink and light green, very "soft" colors might I add) Police protection. People were driving by and yelling at them. Me? I chose to blog about it.

So many angles to touch on..where does one start?

First off, let's just get it out the way. Being gay is something you're born with. Nobody would ever choose it .. unless

1) Their husband beat them, left them, and they're desperate for "comfort" and "affection"
2) They want free drinks at a bar
3) They're just horny and can't get enough
4) They want their own TV show and/or movie (Because in Hollywood, being "out" is so "in")

But, seriously, it's something you're born with. True gay people have no control over their feelings. If I got protested for something I was born with, how depressed would I be?

"You are going to go to hell .. for your long,delicate fingers and toothy grin!"

Their big shining star of hate stems from the fact that they feel homosexuality is outlawed in The Bible. I don't know scripture well enough to debate that merit, but what I can wonder out loud about is .. then how can you give Jesus lee-way that if your own son behaved the same way.. you would disown him?

If your son walked around in a robe, with 12 of his guy friends who are also in their robes, all day, sitting around in gardens chit chatting and going out on "fishing trips"? Oh and by the way, none of these guys have ever been on a date nor do they even seem to be interested in females? You'd disown your son quicker than MySpace Tom adds friends.

There's no way these religious fanatics can debate that fact. If their own offspring acted like that, they'd have their doubts too. I mean how could you defend that opinion then. Jesus wasn't interested in females? Fine. I'll let you ride with that one. Although I must argue that any guy with the ability to turn water into wine definitely used it, at some point, for seduction purposes.

By the way, the ability to turn water into wine doesn't sound like a very Christian thing to do. It sounds like one of the evil powers of a Mormon super villian

So back to these guys not having women. Are we just going to chalk up 13 guys walking around by themselves, for years on end, as just not having any game at all? That should be the bumper sticker

My God has No Luck With the Ladies

You can't say all of them were so into Jesus's teachings that they had no desire to get with women. Judas was the least disciple-ish of all of them, so he must've deviated at some point. How do 13 guys stay calm and level headed when they're only around each other for years on end?

But fundamentalist Christians this is where Paul helps you out. I've got your argument right here as to why they all hung together. One word.

ENTOURAGE.

Yes. It was Jesus and the 12 moochers. Guys just hanging out, waiting to see what he does next. In a David Blaine sort of way. You know one of them, every other day, would bug Jesus

"Hey, when you get a chance, could you show me how you do that whole "raising the dead" trick?"

And to think .. HBO had the right idea. Just the wrong characters