Fight or Flight
My one childhood memory from the airport was when my uncle from Libya came to visit. We were dropping him back (this was back when you were allowed to sit with them at the gate before they boarded) and he gave me and my sister $50 to buy ice cream. According to my parents he was our one rich relative. He was such a baller, he let me sip beer for the first time.
I never saw him again.
No, he didn't die. He just never visited us again. He always asked my family to come visit him in Libya. But it's Libya. The one country that the U.S bombs every few months just to remind them ..
"Hey we still hate you."
The U.S bombs Libya with the frequency of an oil change. No reason too. Just because it's a slow day at The White House.
"Are you guys bored like me? Feel like bombing Libya?"
Have you ever met a Libyan here in the U.S? Of course not. Because they call themselves Egyptians. Because you can't hate the Egyptians. Racial slurs don't look so "slurry" when written in hieroglyphics. Egypt's the one country in the Middle East that Americans are cool with. Well .. them and Turkey. Because they're a Thanksgiving tradition.
So I'm in California for the next few days and the promoter who flew me up here for these shows arranged a rental car for me. I get to the Hertz counter and the clerk says that she doesn't have the car, in stock, that he requested for me so she was going to upgrade me to a Ford Focus.
UPGRADE? (Insert obvious punchline here)
There's even an alarm sticker on the passenger side window that reads "This car is armed with a passive security system." Because that's what I need guarding my car, an apathetic alarm. When it gets broken into, the alarm doesn't beep, it tries to negotiate with the carjacker.
Everytime I go to the airport I always get suckered into watching other people's bags. People I don't even know, while they go get food. I go from innocent bystander to CAPTAIN BAG PROTECTOR. It's a hard role to play because I'm annoyed watching my own bags, and now I have to fake an interest in theirs? I mean what am I supposed to do if someone runs off with their bags? Now I have to pick up my bags to chase the thief. I can't leave my bags alone. When you got brown skin like me and people see you running away from your bags, leaving them unattended? Folks get suspicious. I might as well be sprinting away from my luggage, counting down...
It's raining right now. Excessively. Night time rain puts me to sleep. Day time rain makes me want to be a folk singer. I would've brought an umbrella but I had no idea it was going to rain. And when it's dry and you have an umbrella, you look like you're going to break into a musical number at any minute or thwart the heroics of Batman
I never saw him again.
No, he didn't die. He just never visited us again. He always asked my family to come visit him in Libya. But it's Libya. The one country that the U.S bombs every few months just to remind them ..
"Hey we still hate you."
The U.S bombs Libya with the frequency of an oil change. No reason too. Just because it's a slow day at The White House.
"Are you guys bored like me? Feel like bombing Libya?"
Have you ever met a Libyan here in the U.S? Of course not. Because they call themselves Egyptians. Because you can't hate the Egyptians. Racial slurs don't look so "slurry" when written in hieroglyphics. Egypt's the one country in the Middle East that Americans are cool with. Well .. them and Turkey. Because they're a Thanksgiving tradition.
So I'm in California for the next few days and the promoter who flew me up here for these shows arranged a rental car for me. I get to the Hertz counter and the clerk says that she doesn't have the car, in stock, that he requested for me so she was going to upgrade me to a Ford Focus.
UPGRADE? (Insert obvious punchline here)
There's even an alarm sticker on the passenger side window that reads "This car is armed with a passive security system." Because that's what I need guarding my car, an apathetic alarm. When it gets broken into, the alarm doesn't beep, it tries to negotiate with the carjacker.
Everytime I go to the airport I always get suckered into watching other people's bags. People I don't even know, while they go get food. I go from innocent bystander to CAPTAIN BAG PROTECTOR. It's a hard role to play because I'm annoyed watching my own bags, and now I have to fake an interest in theirs? I mean what am I supposed to do if someone runs off with their bags? Now I have to pick up my bags to chase the thief. I can't leave my bags alone. When you got brown skin like me and people see you running away from your bags, leaving them unattended? Folks get suspicious. I might as well be sprinting away from my luggage, counting down...
It's raining right now. Excessively. Night time rain puts me to sleep. Day time rain makes me want to be a folk singer. I would've brought an umbrella but I had no idea it was going to rain. And when it's dry and you have an umbrella, you look like you're going to break into a musical number at any minute or thwart the heroics of Batman
posted by Paul at 2:41 PM
4 Comments:
hehehehe.
dude, seriously...u are SO funny...u make me snort! (and that's not a good thing!)
I don't loke umbrellas. They feel funny.
i know that brilliance takes lots of time and all that good stuff...but umm...i'm bored at work...i need you to entertain me...pls...BLOG.
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