Family Fun

My grandma can read tarot cards. She's so good, it's spooky. She predicted that two of her friends would die within a year and they both did.

She killed them.

But still how did she know that she'd have the urge to do such a heinous thing?

And both were on December 30th. The last day of the year. How creepy. One more day and her psychic powers would have been put in serious question. The timing was uncanny.

Never second guess the elderly. They're that wrinkled for a reason

How did palm reading even begin? Who decided that this line right here would tell you about your love life and this one right here would determine how many children you'll have? I have creases on the bottom of my foot, anyone want to read those?

"Let's see you wear alot of shoes. The toejam also indicates heavy sock usage. This nail fungus tells me you're single. And these callouses and corns mean you will stay that way for years to come."

Truth be told, I have angelic feet. Christ-like. Meaning they're so clean and pristene, it'd make you want to drive a nail through them

And I can make that joke, people. Lest you forget, my sister's a priest. So I'm not worried about getting into heaven, I know she'll hook me up.

I'm still holding her Corey Hart poster hostage