I can't Do .. yet
I got asked to be the Best Man in my friend's wedding. Seriously, I was taken aback. It's an incredible honor. So my mom, never one to be the stereotypical Indian mom (I mean, she makes casserole and has a gym membership), now has initiated the zone defense when it comes to me finding my "soulmate".
Notice I said "zone defense" and not "full-court press". She briefly mentioned an offer to go soulmate searching for me. She hasn't sent out the bloodhounds or created a membership profile at "GrandkidsBefore-I-Die.com"
Will she? Of course. That telephone conversation the day after the wedding will be a laborious one. Let's look into the crystal ball
Paul's Mom: So I know you live in an apartment now, but wouldn't you like to someday live in a house?
Paul: Sure, but I can't afford a house
Paul's Mom: But we'll find you a girl that can.
The idea of a move from an apartment to a house is so dramatic. From single guy to nagging roommate. From empty fridge to full pantry. From futon nightlife to blanket battles. From a 6 month lease to a lifetime mortgage. Maybe it'd be easier to make the transition if I could pack up and bring with me, not only my silverware (heh, who am I kidding, my ketchup/hot sauce packets), but maybe if the apartment complex could let me pack up the maintenance men..
I don't do home repairs. To me, a house should come fixed already. No handiwork should be done. My job as a husband would be to kill bugs and to grill meat (or a combination of the two) After that, I'm done. Call someone else to sand the shelves or visit your mother.
Texas just banned gay marriage. It ruins the sanctity of marriage, they say. If you're worried about the sanctity of marriage being ruined, then ban divorce. Nobody would have whirlwind, spontaneous marriages if they knew that there was no way out when it all teeters down the gutter.
People would be flying to Hawaii, just to fill out paperwork. Putting on grass skirts just so they can divy up the kids.
"Paul put down that ukulele and sign this alimony check!"
What if the cops catch you moving stuff out of your house and dividing up your furniture?
"Are you two getting divorced?"
"No sir, it's just that she's allergic to my couch and my Taco Bell hot sauce packets and my VCR. Apparently the VCR gives her a rash, but my widescreen TV and DVD player and Gorillaz CD don't make her itch at all"
Notice I said "zone defense" and not "full-court press". She briefly mentioned an offer to go soulmate searching for me. She hasn't sent out the bloodhounds or created a membership profile at "GrandkidsBefore-I-Die.com"
Will she? Of course. That telephone conversation the day after the wedding will be a laborious one. Let's look into the crystal ball
Paul's Mom: So I know you live in an apartment now, but wouldn't you like to someday live in a house?
Paul: Sure, but I can't afford a house
Paul's Mom: But we'll find you a girl that can.
The idea of a move from an apartment to a house is so dramatic. From single guy to nagging roommate. From empty fridge to full pantry. From futon nightlife to blanket battles. From a 6 month lease to a lifetime mortgage. Maybe it'd be easier to make the transition if I could pack up and bring with me, not only my silverware (heh, who am I kidding, my ketchup/hot sauce packets), but maybe if the apartment complex could let me pack up the maintenance men..
I don't do home repairs. To me, a house should come fixed already. No handiwork should be done. My job as a husband would be to kill bugs and to grill meat (or a combination of the two) After that, I'm done. Call someone else to sand the shelves or visit your mother.
Texas just banned gay marriage. It ruins the sanctity of marriage, they say. If you're worried about the sanctity of marriage being ruined, then ban divorce. Nobody would have whirlwind, spontaneous marriages if they knew that there was no way out when it all teeters down the gutter.
People would be flying to Hawaii, just to fill out paperwork. Putting on grass skirts just so they can divy up the kids.
"Paul put down that ukulele and sign this alimony check!"
What if the cops catch you moving stuff out of your house and dividing up your furniture?
"Are you two getting divorced?"
"No sir, it's just that she's allergic to my couch and my Taco Bell hot sauce packets and my VCR. Apparently the VCR gives her a rash, but my widescreen TV and DVD player and Gorillaz CD don't make her itch at all"
posted by Paul at 1:11 PM
1 Comments:
Banning divorce or marriage all together is a great idea, but it would never work. It is much to profitable. But then again, Blockbuster got rid of late fees, so anything is possible.
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