Drip Drip Drop
Why do I blog? Am I vain, arrogant, self-absorbed? Do I like to read what I wrote and do I think that everyone else is just as interested in what I consider insightful and funny?
Of course.
But I really do it because it's a mental exercise for me. I gotta keep the brain train chugging or I get lazy. The brain's like any other muscle. You have to work it out. Bloggercize people. Especially to the comics, it's the downfall of every comedian when they don't write. It's what keeps you fresh, original, and ahead of the game. A comedian who doesn't write? A clown
Yet another shark attack. Granted, this kid was fishing when he got caught, but how ironic is that? He's dangling bait not realizing, that to the shark, he's considered "dangling bait". Did the shark brag to his shark buddies
"I caught one this big! He got away but hey Frankie, flip over to CNN. It made headlines!"
Why do people even bother tempting fate in the ocean? The ocean's the most dangerous body of water. Lakes don't have sharks. Just drunken boaters. I'd rather take my chances with an inebriated jet-skier than a sharp-toothed mammal with a hankering for human flesh.
A puddle's even safer. Ever drown in a puddle? If you did, you're not reading this blog anyway. You're too busy rebuilding your anthill or sitting on Peter Pan's shoulder.
What the ocean does have is a beach. And with beaches come babes and babes are attracted to biceps, with which I have none. So no babes for me. I'll stick to the lake. And if I'm feeling extra lonely I may hit up the pond. Because ducks love crackers and I'm like Jay-Z to them when it comes to Saltines. I'm flinging them like dollar bills in a rap video.
I miss the days of playing in a sprinkler. Screw a pool party, turn on the hose. And where does hose water come from? Because it always tastes so much cleaner than any other water I've ever had. I'm not impressed that this bottled water's from France or this one is from a natural spring in Tibet. Let me read a label that says
"We've captured the clean, crisp taste of backyard plumbing and brought it to you. No lids. Just pinch it in half when you're done. From the people who brought you Easter grass and potpourri. We bring what's outside your backdoor, indoors. Hose-arka."
Of course.
But I really do it because it's a mental exercise for me. I gotta keep the brain train chugging or I get lazy. The brain's like any other muscle. You have to work it out. Bloggercize people. Especially to the comics, it's the downfall of every comedian when they don't write. It's what keeps you fresh, original, and ahead of the game. A comedian who doesn't write? A clown
Yet another shark attack. Granted, this kid was fishing when he got caught, but how ironic is that? He's dangling bait not realizing, that to the shark, he's considered "dangling bait". Did the shark brag to his shark buddies
"I caught one this big! He got away but hey Frankie, flip over to CNN. It made headlines!"
Why do people even bother tempting fate in the ocean? The ocean's the most dangerous body of water. Lakes don't have sharks. Just drunken boaters. I'd rather take my chances with an inebriated jet-skier than a sharp-toothed mammal with a hankering for human flesh.
A puddle's even safer. Ever drown in a puddle? If you did, you're not reading this blog anyway. You're too busy rebuilding your anthill or sitting on Peter Pan's shoulder.
What the ocean does have is a beach. And with beaches come babes and babes are attracted to biceps, with which I have none. So no babes for me. I'll stick to the lake. And if I'm feeling extra lonely I may hit up the pond. Because ducks love crackers and I'm like Jay-Z to them when it comes to Saltines. I'm flinging them like dollar bills in a rap video.
I miss the days of playing in a sprinkler. Screw a pool party, turn on the hose. And where does hose water come from? Because it always tastes so much cleaner than any other water I've ever had. I'm not impressed that this bottled water's from France or this one is from a natural spring in Tibet. Let me read a label that says
"We've captured the clean, crisp taste of backyard plumbing and brought it to you. No lids. Just pinch it in half when you're done. From the people who brought you Easter grass and potpourri. We bring what's outside your backdoor, indoors. Hose-arka."
posted by Paul at 5:10 PM
1 Comments:
My bathtub gets pretty freaking dangerous at times. My comode kind of gets a beach on it if I go a few months between cleanings. I don't recall any shark attacks in these places lately but I am still afraid to swim there. Maybe I can flex next to the tub and get chicks. Hmmmmm. Doofleboy has spoken.
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