Embryonical Advice

I went to lunch with Herman from Human Resources. Great guy. Said that he and his wife are expecting a baby in December. Expecting a baby? Expecting, meaning you expect it to be human, but you won't be too surprised if it's like half-aardvark? Just give all pregnancy accomplishments to the wife. She's having a baby. You're just a bystander

It's been said that if you read to the baby while it's in the womb that it'll make the baby smarter. But isn't that assuming that whatever parent is reading is a good reader? I think it's really just one vicious cycle. Parent A stutters while they read to Fetus B. Fetus B becomes Parent B who's been stuttering their whole life. They try to read to Fetus C and so on and so on..

Don't read to your unborn baby. Because what if the baby doesn't like the book you're reading. Maybe Fetus C isn't a science-fiction fan, he's more about presidential biographies. It's like being stuck watching a TV channel cus there's no remote, everyone in the house is dead, and your pants were superglued to the La-Z-Boy

The book reading and the classical music can wait. You don't need to rush your kid into rich snob training. I think all these philosophies are the brainwashing brainstorms of the demons at Barnes and Noble corporate. So let me guess, don't feed your babies milk, just soy milk caramel macchiatos? What else oh mighty Barnes and Noble? No baby food, just cranberry crumb cake and biscotti?

My parents made me drink grape juice and watch Hee Haw. I came out just fine. Now time to write another self-indulgent blog.