I've Thought it Through
Brain juices are starting to flow, and I only sent out 2 personal emails on work time.
I'm heading out on a cruise tomorrow. Bahamas. I don't know what to expect because I've never done it. I have to do an hour of stand-up for two different crowds on Friday night. I'm looking forward to that, but I've been told that if you have a horrible set on a cruise, you're stuck with this audience that hates you for the next 2 days. So let's hope they dig me or else I'll have to jump ship or talk to the dolphins or hang with Isaac the bartender
If standup fails me, I'm gonna be a Vegas lounge singer. I'd sing this song.
Unbutton my shirt halfway through the first verse. Grab a lady's hand in the front row, brush my fingers along her left cheek and then move on to work the crowd. Lots of pointing my fingers at the elderly Jewish women, firing off fake gunshots. Hey it may be degrading but it's honest work. No one's getting hurt unless you count my self-esteem
My wife with the bleach blond hair would sit at the bar sipping her Kahlua Mudslide, smoking a Marlboro Light, playing a nickel slot machine, chatting up with Rex the bartender, clapping for me whenever she hears the song end, waiting for my show to be over so we can go hit up the crab leg buffet. She hears me about to start the big finale where we sing a duet. She adjusts her hair, puts out her cigarette, downs what's left of her Kahlua, and pitter-patters her high-heeled ass up there with me, grabs a microphone and we sing a ballad version of this song. Staring into each others' eyes, faking goo-goo-gah-gah faces at each other that were oh so sincere 28 years ago but have now just become stage fodder. Grab hands, a thank you bow to the crowd.
"We'll be back in 30!"
Now I must pray to God to make sure that all that never becomes a reality
The printer's out of toner.
I'm heading out on a cruise tomorrow. Bahamas. I don't know what to expect because I've never done it. I have to do an hour of stand-up for two different crowds on Friday night. I'm looking forward to that, but I've been told that if you have a horrible set on a cruise, you're stuck with this audience that hates you for the next 2 days. So let's hope they dig me or else I'll have to jump ship or talk to the dolphins or hang with Isaac the bartender
If standup fails me, I'm gonna be a Vegas lounge singer. I'd sing this song.
Unbutton my shirt halfway through the first verse. Grab a lady's hand in the front row, brush my fingers along her left cheek and then move on to work the crowd. Lots of pointing my fingers at the elderly Jewish women, firing off fake gunshots. Hey it may be degrading but it's honest work. No one's getting hurt unless you count my self-esteem
My wife with the bleach blond hair would sit at the bar sipping her Kahlua Mudslide, smoking a Marlboro Light, playing a nickel slot machine, chatting up with Rex the bartender, clapping for me whenever she hears the song end, waiting for my show to be over so we can go hit up the crab leg buffet. She hears me about to start the big finale where we sing a duet. She adjusts her hair, puts out her cigarette, downs what's left of her Kahlua, and pitter-patters her high-heeled ass up there with me, grabs a microphone and we sing a ballad version of this song. Staring into each others' eyes, faking goo-goo-gah-gah faces at each other that were oh so sincere 28 years ago but have now just become stage fodder. Grab hands, a thank you bow to the crowd.
"We'll be back in 30!"
Now I must pray to God to make sure that all that never becomes a reality
The printer's out of toner.
posted by Paul at 8:40 AM
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