Tangents 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - and 5
Wanna know what it's like to be homeless? Take 6 shots of Jager in a row
You'll find yourself walking into oncoming traffic with a shopping cart full of cat food.
Alcohol here in the U.S is so weak compared to other countries. If you don't believe me, look at the names of our shots. Other countries put us to shame
Germans have JagerMeister
Mexicans have Tequila
We have..
Buttery Nipples?
"Don't judge me, Dirk and Carlos. That's how we do it here. In fact, excuse me bartender .. But I have high cholesterol. Could I have three Buttery Nipples and one I Can't Believe It's Not Buttery Nipples"
Ever seen an alcoholic so cheap they refuse to puke?
"I paid good money. I ain't wasting it."
---
When did Indian people lose tact? I realize my shows aren't appreciated by everyone, but Indian people aren't ones to mince words.
"I saw you 2 months ago and you performed the same material."
"Sir, if I could write a brand new hour of material every 2 months I wouldn't be performing at The Devry Indian Students' Association's Samosa Bake Sale. I'd be in Los Angeles .. performing at UCLA's Indian Students' Association's Samosa Bake Sale"
---
I lost my ability to change the color of text. It was my favorite perk of blogspot.com. It differentiated who was saying what in these carefully scripted dialogues I compose on a bi-weekly basis. So now all text coloring must be done internally. I'm leaving it up to you, the reader, to figure it out.
---
The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee's next week. Probably the most exciting 3 days of the year if you're Indian. Our one time to be on TV without being victims of a natural disaster.
I love this time of year. It's the equivalent of Latinos watching World Cup Soccer. It's the equivalent of black people watching any sporting event and watching a black guy tackle/dunk/hit a home run against a white guy. It's the equivalent of white people watching any Presidential election.
i just wish that the ability to spell would be an attractive quality. Women are intrigued by athletes, musicians, actors .. not Rakesh Pekkumootithackatill. Or "Ricky" as it says on his Best Buy nametag. Most of these Indian kids who end up in these spelling bees end up being engineers. They're working with numbers when they've won trophies and scholarship money for working with letters. They should get by as real-life Spell Checks. Just following people around in everyday situations to help them out
"Bill it's I-L-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-E"
---
I have one trophy at my folks' house. I got it in kindergarten. It has this Winged Greek God on a pedestal. And I got it for?
Ten dollars.
No seriously, I got it for memorizing the most Bible verses. I'm glad they gave me the Greek God trophy rather than one that I really should've gotten for my feat.
A trophy of me looking outside my window on a Saturday morning, watching other kids playing
You'll find yourself walking into oncoming traffic with a shopping cart full of cat food.
Alcohol here in the U.S is so weak compared to other countries. If you don't believe me, look at the names of our shots. Other countries put us to shame
Germans have JagerMeister
Mexicans have Tequila
We have..
Buttery Nipples?
"Don't judge me, Dirk and Carlos. That's how we do it here. In fact, excuse me bartender .. But I have high cholesterol. Could I have three Buttery Nipples and one I Can't Believe It's Not Buttery Nipples"
Ever seen an alcoholic so cheap they refuse to puke?
"I paid good money. I ain't wasting it."
---
When did Indian people lose tact? I realize my shows aren't appreciated by everyone, but Indian people aren't ones to mince words.
"I saw you 2 months ago and you performed the same material."
"Sir, if I could write a brand new hour of material every 2 months I wouldn't be performing at The Devry Indian Students' Association's Samosa Bake Sale. I'd be in Los Angeles .. performing at UCLA's Indian Students' Association's Samosa Bake Sale"
---
I lost my ability to change the color of text. It was my favorite perk of blogspot.com. It differentiated who was saying what in these carefully scripted dialogues I compose on a bi-weekly basis. So now all text coloring must be done internally. I'm leaving it up to you, the reader, to figure it out.
---
The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee's next week. Probably the most exciting 3 days of the year if you're Indian. Our one time to be on TV without being victims of a natural disaster.
I love this time of year. It's the equivalent of Latinos watching World Cup Soccer. It's the equivalent of black people watching any sporting event and watching a black guy tackle/dunk/hit a home run against a white guy. It's the equivalent of white people watching any Presidential election.
i just wish that the ability to spell would be an attractive quality. Women are intrigued by athletes, musicians, actors .. not Rakesh Pekkumootithackatill. Or "Ricky" as it says on his Best Buy nametag. Most of these Indian kids who end up in these spelling bees end up being engineers. They're working with numbers when they've won trophies and scholarship money for working with letters. They should get by as real-life Spell Checks. Just following people around in everyday situations to help them out
"Bill it's I-L-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-E"
---
I have one trophy at my folks' house. I got it in kindergarten. It has this Winged Greek God on a pedestal. And I got it for?
Ten dollars.
No seriously, I got it for memorizing the most Bible verses. I'm glad they gave me the Greek God trophy rather than one that I really should've gotten for my feat.
A trophy of me looking outside my window on a Saturday morning, watching other kids playing
posted by Paul at 4:36 PM
1 Comments:
you are hysterical!
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