Knock 6 times .. on the ceiling
My mom's a nurse in Labor and Delivery. She told me that alot of couples are either inducing labor or trying to delay their child's birth so it doesn't fall on today (6-6-06). It's bad luck. Let's discuss..shall we?
1. These couples think that the 666 birthdate would then mean that the child was the spawn of Satan. Now birthdates aside wouldn't that mean that the male counterpart of that couple was Satan himself? I also have a hard time believing that Satan picked some hillbilly couple in Macon, Georgia to carry on his legacy.
"And from the fiery depths of hellfire and eternal damnation I bring you the new Prince of Darkness, Elroy Cletus Hossfoot III!"
2. The date of 6-6-06 is bad luck? Didn't the bad luck start when the test came back positive? You weren't freaking out then? I always thought childbirth was considered a "miracle of God" but if it falls on today then well ..
"Damn, Lucifer done dipped his fingers in the destiny stew and jumbled it all up"
The fact is, the baby is supposed to be born on this date. If it scares you that much then abort it. Because if the baby is indeed the spawn of Satan, having him born a day later or earlier isn't going to change his DNA. The Devil's already thought of that. Do you really think he didn't mark this date on his calendar 100 years ago? This is about as big as it gets for this guy. Halloweens don't do it for him anymore. Ever since his reputation was tarnished and forever softened by 21 year old girls dressing up as "Sexy Satans"? I'm sure he could care less about the 31st.
So delaying or rushing the inevitable's not gonna alter the course of time. I mean even if the kid is born the day before or after you're still going to tell everyone who will listen about how he/she was supposed to be born on 6-6-06 anyway and how you "saved his soul" by inducing labor. Kudos squared. They should name a book of the Bible after you.
"Congregation, please turn to the book of Pretentious Trophy Wife Soccer Mom Chapter 4. Verse 8."
Just don't overanalyze their every move as possibly being inspired from below. I mean if you catch them coloring on the refrigerator or peeing on the carpet, don't immediately call up an exorcist .. unless your husband tries to discipline them and they immediately yell back
"Shut up! You're not my real father!"
Then pack up. Send me an email. I'll print out this blog and dip it in maple syrup just so that I can, literally, eat my words. Then we'll all meet up in NYC where my sister the priest will have us soak in a bathtub filled with Holy Water
Today also marks the 5 year anniversary of my first ever time performing stand-up. I know what you'll ask next and I'll gladly tell you..
Yes. I am Satan. Now go watch The DaVinci Code
1. These couples think that the 666 birthdate would then mean that the child was the spawn of Satan. Now birthdates aside wouldn't that mean that the male counterpart of that couple was Satan himself? I also have a hard time believing that Satan picked some hillbilly couple in Macon, Georgia to carry on his legacy.
"And from the fiery depths of hellfire and eternal damnation I bring you the new Prince of Darkness, Elroy Cletus Hossfoot III!"
2. The date of 6-6-06 is bad luck? Didn't the bad luck start when the test came back positive? You weren't freaking out then? I always thought childbirth was considered a "miracle of God" but if it falls on today then well ..
"Damn, Lucifer done dipped his fingers in the destiny stew and jumbled it all up"
The fact is, the baby is supposed to be born on this date. If it scares you that much then abort it. Because if the baby is indeed the spawn of Satan, having him born a day later or earlier isn't going to change his DNA. The Devil's already thought of that. Do you really think he didn't mark this date on his calendar 100 years ago? This is about as big as it gets for this guy. Halloweens don't do it for him anymore. Ever since his reputation was tarnished and forever softened by 21 year old girls dressing up as "Sexy Satans"? I'm sure he could care less about the 31st.
So delaying or rushing the inevitable's not gonna alter the course of time. I mean even if the kid is born the day before or after you're still going to tell everyone who will listen about how he/she was supposed to be born on 6-6-06 anyway and how you "saved his soul" by inducing labor. Kudos squared. They should name a book of the Bible after you.
"Congregation, please turn to the book of Pretentious Trophy Wife Soccer Mom Chapter 4. Verse 8."
Just don't overanalyze their every move as possibly being inspired from below. I mean if you catch them coloring on the refrigerator or peeing on the carpet, don't immediately call up an exorcist .. unless your husband tries to discipline them and they immediately yell back
"Shut up! You're not my real father!"
Then pack up. Send me an email. I'll print out this blog and dip it in maple syrup just so that I can, literally, eat my words. Then we'll all meet up in NYC where my sister the priest will have us soak in a bathtub filled with Holy Water
Today also marks the 5 year anniversary of my first ever time performing stand-up. I know what you'll ask next and I'll gladly tell you..
Yes. I am Satan. Now go watch The DaVinci Code
posted by Paul at 11:58 AM
1 Comments:
Actually I am satan as I was born 06 of 1966. Why did they name me tombotts? Doofleboy? Hmmm....I like to break sh*t.
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