Insection
Life is full of muddled priorities..
I know a vegetarian who has peacock feather earrings.
"I don't want to kill the animals, but I do want to make them shiver."
Even my mom's guilty. When I was six, she'd try to scare me by telling me to keep my mouth shut when I sleep, so bugs wouldn't crawl in
"Why don't you just clean the house?"
That is one of the few manly traits that I absolutely do possess. I can kill bugs. I wasn't always that masculine. When I was 10, I'd have alot of different ways to kill the bug without having to get too close.
1) I'd spray Raid. Which never kills a bug instantly (like in the commercials) It just sends them into epileptic seizures, normally heading in your direction. Time to scamper
2) I'd wake up my dad. His groggy, pajama-encased self using his slipper to chase down La Cucaracha. Whack him into a crunchy gooey mess and then, without missing a beat, slip the slipper right back on, leaving a trail of cockroach crumbs back to his bedroom. If you put your ear up to my parents' bedroom door, you could hear him say ..
"Paul is a complete wuss. We've raised a boy who's scared of a 2-inch monster. Maybe it's not too late to put him up for adoption"
3) I'd throw phonebooks. Like some people play Horseshoes. The Yellow Pages is the horseshoe. The clueless roach is that thing sticking out of the ground. And much like horseshoes, it takes 3 to 4 tries to nail it. THUD Damn it THUD Crap THUD Yes!
"It's 4 in the morning and that Indian Urkel is throwing phone books. You know he takes after your family. I'm surprised he doesn't jump at the sight of his own shadow. I'm calling the foster home tomorrow and UPS-ing him there"
I know a vegetarian who has peacock feather earrings.
"I don't want to kill the animals, but I do want to make them shiver."
Even my mom's guilty. When I was six, she'd try to scare me by telling me to keep my mouth shut when I sleep, so bugs wouldn't crawl in
"Why don't you just clean the house?"
That is one of the few manly traits that I absolutely do possess. I can kill bugs. I wasn't always that masculine. When I was 10, I'd have alot of different ways to kill the bug without having to get too close.
1) I'd spray Raid. Which never kills a bug instantly (like in the commercials) It just sends them into epileptic seizures, normally heading in your direction. Time to scamper
2) I'd wake up my dad. His groggy, pajama-encased self using his slipper to chase down La Cucaracha. Whack him into a crunchy gooey mess and then, without missing a beat, slip the slipper right back on, leaving a trail of cockroach crumbs back to his bedroom. If you put your ear up to my parents' bedroom door, you could hear him say ..
"Paul is a complete wuss. We've raised a boy who's scared of a 2-inch monster. Maybe it's not too late to put him up for adoption"
3) I'd throw phonebooks. Like some people play Horseshoes. The Yellow Pages is the horseshoe. The clueless roach is that thing sticking out of the ground. And much like horseshoes, it takes 3 to 4 tries to nail it. THUD Damn it THUD Crap THUD Yes!
"It's 4 in the morning and that Indian Urkel is throwing phone books. You know he takes after your family. I'm surprised he doesn't jump at the sight of his own shadow. I'm calling the foster home tomorrow and UPS-ing him there"
posted by Paul at 10:42 AM
2 Comments:
friggin' hilarious!
Indian Urkel! That was funny.
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