How'd that happen?

click on www.comedymag.com

It's the closest I'll ever be to Chris Rock

What was the thought process going into that homepage..

"Alright, we've got Jessica Simpson, Matt LeBlanc, Chris Rock...Do we have a pic of Seinfeld?"

"No! Screw Seinfeld! I've got the next best thing"

That guy was fired.

It's either this or cocaine

Are blogs nerdy? Are they a sign of boredom?

Yes....yes they are

But they have now become my creative outlet.
- To hell with fingerpainting
- No more humorous letters to my 50cent a month Cambodian penpal

Dear Pho Pa,
So I love cooking, but I hate the preparation.
Cutting onions always makes me cry.
And then I was watching Food Network and they said if you want to prevent tears, you should cut the onions underwater.
But I can't swim.
And I feel silly wearing an innertube just to make fajitas.
I hope that takes away the sting of what was no doubt an intense work week for you.
By the way, could you hook me up with the new Michael Vick Nikes?

Now before I get criticism for a sweatshop joke, keep in mind...my parents are from India and they made the Adidas sweatpants that I'm wearing right now.
--
Isn't it strange that if I didn't have a creative outlet like this, that I could quite possibly become a dope fiend?

Thank you blogger.com. Without you, I'd be hittin the pipe.

Tupacaroni

I really like Food Network. So I have many chefs that I enjoy watching: Tyler Florence, Alton Brown, those Iron guys. But where's my all-time fave?

CHEF BOYARDEE

The man can't get a reality show, a biography, not even a Friars Roast.

My friends insist that the great Boyardee is dead.

But that's what they said about Tupac
And how many albums after his so-called "death" did he release?
If Boyardee is dead, then who's making all those cans of beefaroni?

Do you think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ravioli cooks itself?

Nitpicking..

- I could care less about some random guy in Texarkana's view on the NFL dynasty that is the New England Patriots. I'd much rather see your descent into blog obsession a.k.a mental insanity.

That's a line I wrote from the previous blog entry

As expected Steve the Cynical posted a comment saying that if I could "care less" then I obviously do care. Never said I didn't care. Because without Mr. Texarkana's insight into the upcoming Big Dance I would've never realized the athletic significance of the New England Patriots. I just said that I "could" care less. In fact anyone can care "less". It's harder to care "more".

"Yeah I realize that I look bored whenever you talk about Curb Your Enthusiasm. But I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying to CARE. When I really just CARE less and less the more you talk about it. My bad."

I do care. I just "could" care less. I have the potential to not give a shit ever again. I have that ability within me. Now do I care less? Not really. My whole point for that last blog entry was to say that I'd like a little more flavor/masala in people's blogs to showcase their personality. (It's good reading) That's all

I was careless when I forgot to put a space in the phrase, "I could care less".

Don't you wish you could get back the one minute out of your life that you just wasted, reading this?

In all honesty. I could care less.

Why I Blog

So there's a link at the upper right of this screen that says NEXT BLOG. So I clicked it a few times to see how I fit in with the rest of the Blogasauruses. Some try to use it as a daily journal but then end up writing on and on about "how their life is boring, and why did they ever get a blog?".. "and I have nothing to say and won't update this until monumental things happen in my life" ( i.e. a baby being born or a Super Bowl watching party). And others repeat the obvious like "Steroids should be banned from baseball" or "The war in Iraq sucks, here's why."

Now maybe I'll become a passenger on that train of thought in the next few months..weeks..hours. But as of now, I find that boring blah blooh blah. I live a very mundane life yet being the dorkness that I am, I'm still tapping into that little section of brain nugget to jabber on and on about absolutely nothing. Now does that make me better than the rest of them?

Of course.

So what will I do with this newfound sense of blog superiority? I'll brag about it here and in internet chatrooms from AOL to Yahoo. From rolling hills to MSN, spreading my message to all who choose to read.

- MY WORDS TO THE UNWISE -
Scribble in some personality into your blog. I could care less about some random guy in Texarkana's view on the NFL dynasty that is the New England Patriots. I'd much rather see your descent into blog obsession a.k.a mental insanity.

I'm going through it right now.

What's more entertaining? Mike and Ike's commentary on Oscar nominations or my transition from fully-functioning human being to compulsive blog rat?

You make the call

A Lullaby for the Lonely

Nobody likes you.
I wonder why.
Which is why I wrote this lullaby.

You drool when you sleep.
You wear a retainer.
So you sleep alone (that's a no-brainer)

Will you have insomnia?
I know I will.
Which is why I'll go down this shot of Ny-Quil

With a Robitussin chaser,
Cus that's how I be.
Going to sleep, all sad and lonely.

While you have a teddy bear..
I have my thoughts.
I rub my eyes at night to stare at the spots.

Bored I am.
And bored I will stay
For I'm blogging a poem at 12- thirtay.

Sweet dreams..

Folks are back from India..and look who they brought with 'em!

So in the last month or so, one of my uncles moved here from India. 53 years old. Never been outside of India. Never been around any diversity. Think about it. My uncle has never seen a Mexican. So I like to screw with him. I just tell him that they're Pakistani. You should hear him when he calls back home to India.

"You won't believe this, but in America..all the Pakistanis work in construction!"

I giggle.
He's clueless.
Fun times had by all

So now another uncle along with his 20 year old son will be moving here to stay .. and now, supposedly, his son is having a bit of a "behavior" problem. Great. Now I have to keep tabs on this kid just to make sure he doesn't get intrigued by the wannabe gangstas in Garland and come back one day from his ESL class at Richland Community College with "Thug Life" tatted on his chest. Did I also mention that he has slight cholesterol problems? Meaning Bye Bye fast food. It's been great knowing you.

Fig Leaf Salad anyone?

I assume that at some point it will be my responsibility to help him assimilate/adjust into normal everyday life here...meaning he'll have to hang out with cousin Paul to see how he lives. But I'm not the right guy to take life lessons from. The last thing my uncle would need is to find out his son is ditching his future as a computer engineer to pursue the glamorous world of stand-up comedy.

My dad could barely take it and he's seen BET's Comicview.

I blog like I brush.
After every meal.

Well, it's about time..

I know I know..I never update my site. Maybe some of you are thinking, "Paul must not have a lot to say. OR maybe he owed an exorbitant amount of money to Korean bookies and because his wallet ain't as chubby as it used to be, they snapped his fingers like snow peas and that's why he hasn't been able to update his site. OR maybe he's too busy feeding off the "fruits of his fame" aka McGriddles and Popeye's Po'Boy Sandwiches, that he just dam-gummit-be-gone doesn't have the time. OR maybe he just likes italicizing the word "OR".

E) all of the above

So this blogariffically blog-gone it blogday has now begun. My foray into the world of cybergeekdom is now official.

"Mom..Dad..I've packed my things, and I'm heading to a new far off place. My name is no longer Paul. You can now call me Gandalf 342. "

Back in 1977, my sister (anxiously awaiting my arrival) pestered my parents that she wanted to name me. She was quite the Sesame Street fan and wanted a little "Ernie" to call her own. Thankfully my parents didn't let the same mindbending, manipulating techniques that she had used for the previous 2 years, to get her own box of breakfast cereal everytime she went to the grocery store, permeate their decision to name me.

Although Ernie Varghese has kind of a ring to it. Sorta. Good thing she wasn't a fan of imaginary elephants.

"Now welcome to the stage. A favorite here and a very funny guy
Snufalapacus Varghese! "